It is storming and I just love to sit and listen to the thunder crack and roar, and rumble above the rooftop.
I haven’t been able to write much lately. I suppose I am starting to see a lot of the same patterns again and again. Some admits to tele that do not need to be on tele and the rest that need be in ICU. A few in the middle are truly patients that have cardiac problems. I hope my poetry is not drying up! I need this storm shower.
It is much better at the beach when you add a little sunshine. I had one of those days today. I started working weekends only, which means I work 3 days in a row over the weekend and have 4 days off in a row. I am not used to working 3 days in a row every week. It is hard! The nice part is the 4 days off. It is sunglasses, beach towels, umbrellas, and yes, sand in between my toes today.
I had two strenuous weekends in a row–I am trying to recover.
Today I showed up at work to find out that I was actually canceled. It is so rare that I went to the beach! It was a rainy day, but I did not mind. It was still sandy and nice.
I had a bad weekend last week…working. I am ready to go back tomorrow. That is what I love about my job;as hard as it is, I am always ready to do it again. Ready to forget about the bad times, and the condescending family member who hurt my feelings last shift, forget about the MD who made me feel like poop because I did not call and ask to renew an antibiotic for a patient (?) (the condescending family member complained about not having more antibiotics and the physician blamed it on me in front of the family member). I had no idea that antibiotics were continual with no sign of infection or that it was in my job description to call physicians for that type of renewal especially when I knew the patient was going home that day.
I am ready to go back tomorrow with inspiration found here. By Sinus Arrythmia…a nurse who loves her job.
I am resting up to work three days in a row–This really means that I will sleep and then go to work, sleep then go to work. It is strange but worth it as I will have four beautiful days off afterwards. I am tired after the 3rd day though so I do not try this every week. Just sometimes.
I have not been writing much lately. I guess I am just busy at work treading water and other nursing duties of importance. Summer is almost here and I look forward to the beach, but dread the price of gas and the cost of being a beach bum. I do just love the ocean and the smell of it and the sand in between my toes. In fact just thinking about the beach makes me wish I was there right now. I do not think that I could move to a place where beaches could not be reached within an hour drive. I miss sunblock, umbrellas, blankets, and that hazy noise of lots of people talking but muffled by the sound of the ocean. Well I am getting whimsical and must stop this day dream.
I love the smell of the earth on little children,
That musty dirt smell.
I love the smell of the newspaper after I finish the
crossword puzzle.
I love the smell of clothes
Washed with Tide and fabric softener.
I even love the smell of the Hemodialysis machine
After the Dialysis nurse has cleaned it.
The potassium level.
Any possible aspiration.
The test results.
The second time,
My hands shook less.
Aystole/PEA
A bronze color blue.
Intubation
Epinephrine
Chest compressions
Epinephrine
Atropine
Maintaing Chest
Airway
Recording.
Rhythm Checks.
200 to 360 joules.
Aystole.
A gray, ashen, dry blue.
ashy, cadaverous, lurid, wan, waxen, blue.
It was the second Code Blue situation that I have been in.
This time it was not my patient.
The first code blue: the code team arrived and worked in what seemed
a weird chaotic unison. I stood in the corner and answered questions about the clinical situation. This time I recorded. Everything went according to the recommendations some as I learned, but the patient still came to demise. I went home that night feeling sorry for the primary nurse and wondering how it is that I do my job and maintain my life. I watched a soul leave someones body. I witnessed that bronze blue to dry dead blue and just left the room and went back to check on my own patients in a continuous assessment that lasts for twelve hours. I am supposed to go home and be normal.
Private Duty Nurse.
I have been a private duty nurse for a loved one.
It is emotionally challenging.
An arduous affair.
A great effort.
With love.
How am I going to go to work in the morning?
It is nursing at the most primal level.
Of first importance.
Fundamental.
Pain control.
